Bawls

If you haven't had it, you've lived an incomplete life. I hope you aren't on your deathbed as you read this.

It's basically the best thing ever next to Dr. Pepper. It tastes awesome (and if you say it tastes like Sprite or Ginger Ale I will stick a lawnmower down your throat) and it is very caffeinated and it's great. I've had two today, I'm pretty wired right now. Despite it's somewhat low amount of caffeine (80mg per 12oz) it gives a surprisingly big buzz. Maybe it's because the caffeine isn't extracted from anything (the flavor and the caffeine both come from the guarana berry). Point is, it will make you shit your face because it is so good. It makes every situation awesome.

Leslie Nielsen is better than you.

Leslie Nielsen is great. He has always been the greatest person ever and always will be, including before he was born or even before his grandparents were conceived. He's the best everything at everything, including things he has nothing to do with. Yes, he is better than this blog, and yes, he was voted #1 Best Tasting Blueberry all of the times in a row. He is the Mini Cooper of people. Yeah, he's that great. I'd buy his CD even if he was awful at singing, but he can't be awful at singing because he's better than everyone else at everything. He's better at being you than you are, and you can try to argue with that, but logic will defy you, that logic being that he's Leslie-fucking-Nielsen, and he can't be beaten at anything.