Monday, July 28, 2008

Energy drinks are completely evil and cause people to do awful things

So I recently read a short article on energy drinks. Of course, it was an opposing article, and of course, it was bullshit, just like every other article that doesn't like energy drinks. They're all the same, they're extremely biased, leave out tons of important details, word it so it makes sense to the naive soccer mom, and they try to blame energy drinks for all the problems in the world. For your pleasure, I will say everything that's wrong with this article. The article will be in regular type, all my answers to it will be in bold.

Heavy energy drink use among young adults may be a red flag for problem behavior. Har
  Researchers at the University of Buffalo studied nearly 800 college students on their energy drink consumption and other activities. They found students who had six or more energy drinks per month were three times more likely to smoke cigarettes, abuse prescription drugs and get into fights than those who didn't drink them. Bullshit. Did you ever think that students who smoke, abuse drugs, and get into fights are more likely to drink energy drinks than what is described in the article? They were also more likely to have alcohol-related problems, unsafe sex and smoke marijuana. This makes even less sense than the other thing. People who already have alcohol problems, have unsafe sex, and smoke pot are of course going to drink energy drinks because they provide a legal buzz of energy. This is like saying that wearing tie-dye shirts and peace symbol pins causes you to smoke pot and take acid. Researchers found caucasian men reported the highest consumption of energy drinks. ...What does that have to do with anything? Do I smell racism?
  Some countries have restricted energy drink use to certain age groups, or require warnings on the labels, but the U.S. has not required regulation yet. That's how it should be, dipshit.

Why do people bias themselves against energy drinks, anyway? What's so evil, and what inspired them to target this big industry for criticism? While we're at it, let's think of a way we can say coffee causes premature ejaculation, driving over the speed limit, and rape. Or let's think of how we can say that non-energy soda causes credit card debt, store robberies, the holocaust, and high gas prices. No one says regular soda is evil or that coffee is evil, so when you add a coffee-like dose of caffeine, some B vitamins, and maybe some taurine to a regular soda, why is it suddenly evil? Anyway, if you're one of the brainwashed morons who believes this crap, drop me a comment.

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