Leslie Nielsen is better than you.

Leslie Nielsen is great. He has always been the greatest person ever and always will be, including before he was born or even before his grandparents were conceived. He's the best everything at everything, including things he has nothing to do with. Yes, he is better than this blog, and yes, he was voted #1 Best Tasting Blueberry all of the times in a row. He is the Mini Cooper of people. Yeah, he's that great. I'd buy his CD even if he was awful at singing, but he can't be awful at singing because he's better than everyone else at everything. He's better at being you than you are, and you can try to argue with that, but logic will defy you, that logic being that he's Leslie-fucking-Nielsen, and he can't be beaten at anything.

Actually The Jonas Brothers just suck.

Can you say "horrible generic tasteless American rock?" These guys suck. I found out that they have a YouTube channel. The video on the channel page decided to start playing on it's own and I only had to listen for about 10 seconds after the music started to realize that they are awful. Just for you, I decided to take the first few paragraphs of their description and complain about them:

Ask the Jonas Brothers who they're hoping to turn into fans with their new self-titled CD and they won't say "everybody." But that's precisely what they'll mean. "We're aiming for people our age," says 17-year-old Joe. "But we also wanna get kids younger than us," adds 14-year-old Nick. "And older people, too," 19-year-old Kevin pipes up. How samrt* of you, Jonas Brothers. You aren't targeting everyone, but you are targeting people your age, people who are younger, and older people too. Even the guy who wrote this paragraph knows how stupid you're being. And for those of you planning to argue with me, I know they aren't going to read this.

The highly anticipated People without fully developed opinional lobes (usually kids 11 or under, but some bloom late) do not count as people, so technically it was anticipated by no one follow-up to the New Jersey I'm gonna have to move. Now I know why all the other states dislike NJ so much. I apologize for everyone in the state to all the other states for this. siblings' 2006 debut—which featured the TRL hit "Mandy"—The Jonas Brothers is sure to make good on the band's goal: It's a high-energy pop-punk disc No it's not overflowing with insanely catchy hooks no, muscular guitar fuzz what? and mature songwriting what? that reveals just how much growing up the boys have done since we last heard from them. 

I only did those because there's no way in hell I'm going to listen to all their songs (no, not even the 30 second previews on iTunes) so I can say what's wrong with each of them.

By the way, has anyone noticed how unfortunate they look? They aren't as "attractive" as the fans make them out to be (as mentioned before). To quote someone from Yahoo! Answers, their faces look sorta like garden gnomes. I guess the least unfortunate one would be the eldest brother, but none of them are much to look at.

*Yes, I do realize that Maddox has made the joke.

Oh now I remember that thing I was gonna blog about last night but the computer was off so I decided I'd do it today but when I woke up I forgot it

I hate Jonas Brothers fans. Now if you don't like me you're probably going to use this as a reason to continue saying that I hate everything (after all, all the things I've said I hated or didn't like are the only things  in the world, so if I hate all of them then I hate everything), but I have pretty good reasons.

To start, just about all of them are tasteless 10 year old girls. What happened to music being not targeted towards children? That way it was easier for people who suck to not get famous. My mom tells me that when she was a kid she liked David Bowie. Was he aimed at kids? Hell no. Did adults like him? Yeah. Then again, when they use clever advertising and marketing to fool the feeble minds of today's kids into liking things, they can take advantage of having invaded the delicate "opinion" part of the small child's brain and make them buy tons of overpriced low quality crap, like shirts and bags and pregnancy tests and soda cans themed after the child-aimed crap. But I digress.

As soon as you insult their perfect, physically attractive Gods of music, they decide to go into a fit of stupidity and immaturity, getting angry because you expose to them the truth of their horrible music tastes. This can multiply itself especially when you break it to them that the only one who isn't ugly is the oldest one, which still isn't saying a whole lot.

They're also pretty stupid and just annoying to see. Tell me, does it comfort you knowing that people who would say "omg jonas brothers are so HOT and i luv their music LOL!!1 there so good and sexy and i loev them omg i watn 2 kill pepl who dont lik them becuz thear the BEST EVAR LOL!! their just gealus bekuz there music isnt this good" exist? Well what I just typed is pretty much the majority of them. Some of them can be so stupid that I consider it amazing that they know how to breathe.

By the way, the Jonas Brothers suck. Now I ask that you please direct some fans of theirs to this blog post so I can laugh at the stupid things they probably have to say.

Energy drinks are completely evil and cause people to do awful things

So I recently read a short article on energy drinks. Of course, it was an opposing article, and of course, it was bullshit, just like every other article that doesn't like energy drinks. They're all the same, they're extremely biased, leave out tons of important details, word it so it makes sense to the naive soccer mom, and they try to blame energy drinks for all the problems in the world. For your pleasure, I will say everything that's wrong with this article. The article will be in regular type, all my answers to it will be in bold.

Heavy energy drink use among young adults may be a red flag for problem behavior. Har

  Researchers at the University of Buffalo studied nearly 800 college students on their energy drink consumption and other activities. They found students who had six or more energy drinks per month were three times more likely to smoke cigarettes, abuse prescription drugs and get into fights than those who didn't drink them. Bullshit. Did you ever think that students who smoke, abuse drugs, and get into fights are more likely to drink energy drinks than what is described in the article? They were also more likely to have alcohol-related problems, unsafe sex and smoke marijuana. This makes even less sense than the other thing. People who already have alcohol problems, have unsafe sex, and smoke pot are of course going to drink energy drinks because they provide a legal buzz of energy. This is like saying that wearing tie-dye shirts and peace symbol pins causes you to smoke pot and take acid. Researchers found caucasian men reported the highest consumption of energy drinks. ...What does that have to do with anything? Do I smell racism?
  Some countries have restricted energy drink use to certain age groups, or require warnings on the labels, but the U.S. has not required regulation yet. That's how it should be, dipshit.

Why do people bias themselves against energy drinks, anyway? What's so evil, and what inspired them to target this big industry for criticism? While we're at it, let's think of a way we can say coffee causes premature ejaculation, driving over the speed limit, and rape. Or let's think of how we can say that non-energy soda causes credit card debt, store robberies, the holocaust, and high gas prices. No one says regular soda is evil or that coffee is evil, so when you add a coffee-like dose of caffeine, some B vitamins, and maybe some taurine to a regular soda, why is it suddenly evil? Anyway, if you're one of the brainwashed morons who believes this crap, drop me a comment.

Congratulations, you've been selected to win a free chainsaw up the ass.

BEJIFNOIOSN. I hate talking ads. Today they decided to start putting them on one of my favorite comic sites, explosm.net . I don't want a free MacBook Air, but if it was advertising a free chance to force a free MacBook Air or a broken wine bottle (filled as far as it'll go with bleach, battery acid, and lemon juice) through the face of whoever came up with those ads, I'd jump on it almost before it had a chance to annoy me. 

But in all honesty, I sincerely hope whoever makes these gets shot with a machine gun. By that I mean a machine gun that shoots other machine guns. With the triggers taped down. Loaded with bullets and angry killer bees.

This guy needs to die worse than anyone has ever died before. He needs to have his skin peeled off and then take a bath in pure alcohol. First it'd burn worse than anything most people could imagine, then he'd die a horrible bloody painful death from the alcohol poisoning. I hope they seriously consider making a new level of hell just for him. It can be a bare room with no windows or doors where he has to listen to those ads forever.

Anyway, I don't have much else to talk of today. Maybe if I think of something I'll post again later.

Oh, I just realized that my Dreamcast Code Breaker which has been lost for about a year that's sitting under the box my iPod came in says "The Ultimate Cheat Disk."

Where is my fucking Mini Cooper?

I won't have a license for a while but they're just so awesome.

In other news, blogging to no one is actually kind of fun because I can write anything I want and no one will read it. I mean, I'd write anything I want anyway, but now I can write more anything I want.

ANYONE WHO'S EVER SUPPORTED KIDZ BOP SHOULD BE SHOT

ANYONE WHO'S EVER MARKETED TO KIDS BY SPELLING IT WITH A "Z" AT THE END SHOULD BE SHOT

THE JONAS BROTHERS SUCK

This is fun!

Anyway it would be kickass if the rumors about Apple planning to reduce price on future gadgets are true. If it was I'd have an orgasm out of all my organs and then it would also get easier to get that 24" iMac. 

Oh by the way

Oh also that Franz Ferdinand Special Edition thing didn't come. First it was damaged in the mail. Then I had to wait a while for the seller to get a new one. I had the option of a refund, but I didn't do it. I decided I'd wait since I got a bit of a good deal on it. So later it's been a few days after he said he'd get the new one. I contact him to ask about it, no answer. I contact him again, then he sends me the same fucking response he did the first time. It's apparently been damaged in the mail again, and I get to choose between a refund and waiting longer again. So I got a refund. I still haven't gotten around to ordering another one.

Bose Computer MusicMonitor, my thoughts.

So while visiting the Apple store the other day, I noticed that they had a few pairs of Bose's sexy new MusicMonitor computer speakers on display. I'm not really a fan of Bose, but being the gadget freak that I am, I still had to try them out. And I'm not that impressed.

Yes, it probably is the best sound you'll get for that size, but that doesn't mean it sounds good, and that doesn't mean it's worth $400. The first thing I noticed was how much bass they try to shove down your ears. Then immediately afterward I noticed how bad the bass really was. Yes, there was some true bass to it, but that complicated a number of things. But first I'm going to complain about the sound of the bass.

Muddy. That's the word that comes to 

mind while listening to the bass from these. The way they get it to be as powerful as it is for speakers of that size is with dual passive radiators inside a little slot going through the back of each speaker. It is a very interesting design and it does get results, and I do think it is a pretty smart way of getting bass out of these small speakers. But again, it doesn't sound good. And it makes room for a design flaw which I thought was pretty distinctive. Since there's only one driver and those passive radiators get their radiaton from that one driver, it means that not only do they extend the bass, but they mud up all 

the mids as well. This is more noticeable at higher volumes, where the louder mids are also coming from the passive radiators. Of course, since they're still picking up bass that mixes the bass and mids quite a bit and of course, muds up them both. And to top it off, it's all coming from the same driver, so that driver is making both bass and mids to begin with, so it's already muddy by the time it gets to the passive radiators.  They just finish the job.

So because of that, they lose a lot of their quality when you start to turn them up. But since the bass and mids come from the same driver to begin with (as I just said), they're always going to be mixing and mudding each other up. The highs weren't so bad though.

Now, they're also using some fancy chip inside the speaker (called a DSP chip or something) to make the bass and highs louder than the mids. What's wrong there? Well, anyone who doesn't know much about high end audio (basically the average consumer, which is all Bose targets) tends to notice bass and highs the most in a store system. So they did that to impress people who don't know much about real hifi. And it's working, since they do it in a lot of their systems and they always impress the average consumer.

But after all that I just said, I'm sure you already know what's wrong here. The bass is purposely overpowering the mids, and the overpowering bass was one of the first things I noticed. And after all that I explained, this only worsens the muddiness of the sound. I can't help but wonder if Bose wants to co

mpletely erase mids from the sound spectrum. Are they not good enough? Bah.

So after all that, what do they sound like overall? Well to sum it up, muddy bass, muddy mids, the mids and bass tend to "mix," and as a result of that mixing just causes the overall sound to mash up and sound bad. After all I've said though, I do like the design they're doing. Why though? Well imagine if they (or some right-minded audio company) did a three way design with these same types of passive radiators. That way they could separate the lows, mids, and highs, and they could give the passive radiators only to the lows. This way the bass can still be powerful and loud without screwing up everything. A larger bass driver wouldn't hurt, though.

Update: Here's a picture I drew the other day after bothering to finally install Photoshop.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I also tried the JBL Duet 2.0 speakers while I was there. They retail for $50 and I liked them much more. They weren't a whole lot bigger, but just about everything about them sounded better. Well played, JBL.